this is simply a place for me to freewrite. That’s all.

sigh. i’m just using up a few minutes before i get dressed and head off to class. well, i don’t need to leave for an hour yet, but still. i need to look at nclive and a few other places to find sources for my paper. i’ll google in a minute but i really don’t expect to find anything too useful, but we’ll see. hmm… I wonder what exactly i’ll come up with. so my topic is basically on the VCR, the effects, how it changed the way we watch tv, movies… how it led to video rental stores, how it led to new technology like dvds, dvrs, and maybe how it’s now becoming obsolete. i think looking at things like movie sales before and after, looking at box office sales plus/versus video rental/sales, that sort of thing will be good. maybe there’ll be an economics journal or something. i need a professional journal article as one of my sources, so i’m trying to think what that would be. i think i also need a newspaper article, which shouldn’t be too hard to find. and a book. the vcr has been around for a while now, i’m sure there’s a book somehow related somewhere.

I’m worried about sources since wake tech’s liebary is such a small and sukky library. maybe i’ll end up having to run to somewhere else, tho really i’m not sure where. chapel hill maybe? state? don’t know where their libraries are, state is likely closer. gee, i really wish the public library system here was better like the one in rochester. sigh

so this is mainly what i’m doing today on my own time. my time in sculpture will be taken up with plotting my new project, one of which i think i’m ready for, the other not so sure about. so i want to remember to grab the wire i have over in the game room or sitting room, at least to see how well it holds the pennies together to see if i need a bigger wire to work with. it’s not terribly attractive, but if it works i can get some in a different colour far more attractive, like a brassy or something. if not, there’s wire i can get that should work, but it would be more expensive, and really i don’t want to spend that.

hence why i’m upset about the freekin usfitness thing, and that keeps stealing my thoughts and focus so that i can’t actually plan on getting other work done. i think i’m gonna go find some clothes and get dressed so i can run around and get a few things done in this hourish i have before i leave.

and maybe i’ll even get the chance to look at nclive too. i need to remember to snag the password and junk and have it somewhere accessable, like on a sticky instead of in my bag in the car.

just not a good day… that’s how it feels. walls… closing… in….

i could always do a zen and working out or something… that’s kinda silly tho, i’m not sure entirely sure how i’d really do that coherently in an essay. I have to work on my carving that i haven’t done yet nad i should have done a decent amount this weekend (since wed) at least i bought some decent tools. wondering what exactly to write for this dumb essay… just toally not sure. i guess i can always default to the women and men thing… it’s mainly that i’d need to narrow that down some and it’s not really what i wanna write about. shopping yesterday was fun. too bad i totally ruinied my fun-buzz by losing my earring. so the paper… i keep doing this… i hope that starting up one of these will give me some ideas on what to write but it doesn’t seem to be working out that way. which sucks big time, because I want to be able to come up with something. friday an intro, thesis, and outline are due, and I’m no closer to an idea for this dumb paper than when i started. i’m gonna go get my stuff and get all my non-carving homework done and come back to this later when I maybe have more ideas.

I’m gonna do this until otto comes back and we head downstairs. I was thinking about topics for my next paper and otto said something about lou’s blog and some study about men’s and women’s salaries that was interesting. couldn’t find the post tho, so i’ll keep looking. int he mean time i’m still wondering about what i’ll write. we can contrast differences between men and women in certain areas… but i’m not so sure about that one. i know a lot about the boys and girls differences… i’m just not so sure i wanna bother doing it. there’s the zen topic… compare something you do to zen… that i might acutally do… just not sure what. i don’t remember the other one… at the moment. don’t have the assignment handy. got an 84 on the other paper, so starting off well. not sure it deserved that, but i’ll take it.

so when it comes to this paper i’m just not too sure yet. i don’t even have anything to really say about it which is why i decided to do this a bit… to try to move along and start thinking about it, but really nothings coming. sigh. it’s just not something coming to me right now. i need to work on my shoe today, and we’re going to the mall. so maybe i’ll start by looking at things in my life that are kind of zennish and seee how that goes…. painting and this shoe are ……..crap lost my train. i don’t think i can really do this right now because every thing running thru my head has nothing to do with my paper other than “what to do, what to do”….. so i’ll stop as otto is coming back. i’ll think on it and come back to this later.

I’m thinking i’ve been going about the paper a bit wrong. looking at the whole linking to culture and feminism/women’s lib movement and suches… too much crap, no real focus. it’s helped that i’ve now seen both and they are fresh in my mind, this will make my writing more focused and easier to pull a good essay together. i need to stop second guessing myself… I always do that. I’m always striving for perfection and worrying that my interpretation is off. well, if it is off it is off. i’m not writing along the lines of a plot summary, i am linking to cultural ideas and such, i’ll jsut write and deal with it. can’t get worse than a C as i see it, so i’m just not gonna worry about it.

i want to get a bit down so that i can have a completed paper in those 50 minutes tomorrow, but i’m not sure if it’ll help or not. i guess it won’t hurt so i’ll still do it. my problem is that i’m always coming up with decent ideas, but the phrasing and linking of one idea to the next is harder for me a lot of times without a bunch of time for refinement

otto just asked what i was doing, so i kinda lost my train. it’s not really a problem tho, since thats about all i really have to say on the subject. i dont need to sit here and dwell on the bad. i figure i have pulled C papers out of my ass before, what’s so different this time? hell, my spelling and grammar shoud be much better. no, i’m not doing much to fix errors here, it’s fucking freewriting, dammit… i only fix the occational typo that really seems to matter or when my fingers get ahead of me and start deleting before i can decide otherwise. otto is watching animal house, it’s a bit loud i can hear it thru his headphones, it’s been that way most of the time i’ve been up here, but it’s suddenly gotten even louder. oh well.

So onto some ideas for the paper, because something is better than nothing and hopefully some concrete sentence ideas will make this amorphous blob in my head turn into an actual paper.

I had a freekin title, but I forgot it. I had a thesis that i wrote in class, but i don’t think it quite expresses what i really want to do with this paper. new thesis… somethng like “The Stepford Wives illustrates the evolution of women’s roles, the feminist movement, and women’s views of…..” dammit, I jsut can’t seem to come up with something good. dammit dammit dammit all to fucking hell. it’s just not flowing right. UGH!

Joanna in the first movie is intellegent, strong, and more independent than other “women” in stepford, but still is not the same kind of Joanna as the remake’s. The first joanna still is beholden to her husband. isn’t really involved in much decision making, nad even complains about such. she “messed around” with women’s lib, but was not necessarily a driving force in the feminist movement. she was still a home maker, still looking for approval for her work (photography) from a man, still somewhat weak and defenseless.

Joanna in the remake is strong, forcefull, an executive, makes many important decisions, is the breadwinner in the family, she’s the “man” of the house. we see that part of the problem in the remake is simply that men are not so much evilly trying to tame their wives, as that walter is trying to just be a part of her life.

1st: men evil, women are basically being punished for their want of independence and freedom by being killed. joanna weak and helpless and worried about losing her mind or her life. we sympathize with her, fear for her. robot wives have bigger breasts, obsessed with wifely duties.

2nd: men pathetic, not so much evil. women are strong and independent and all were former high powere high paid women. not killed, but personality changed. this gives us an indication that men want their wives, but better. not just perfect wives, or something that looks like a wife. “female improvement system” claire is trying to “help” them. claire, wanting to return to less free days is the one thought crazy and punished. joanna us not weak and fearfull, just suspicious. we do not fear for her, we know she can take care of herself, in fact we see her as a bit of a bitch. prolly more than a bit. we find ourselves wanting her to find the balance in life she needs to be happy, and not be a power hungry superwoman with no feelings and a hatred of men.

“Picture it. If you could streamline your spouse… if you could overhaul every annoying habit, every physical flaw… every moment of whining and nagging and farting in bed. If you could enjoy the person you love but only at their very best.” In Stepford, the women are perfect, exactly what their men want them to be.
In the 1975 film Stepford Wives and its 2004 comedy remake, we see the current model of the feminist woman.???

In 1975, Joanna is the average american wife.

In 2004, Joanna is more representative of the powerhouse women of today. She is Oprah, Martha Stuart, Madonna, Barbara Walters, Hillary Clinton. Women who we tend to view as at the top, and usually with narry a man in sight.

well… time to put this into a more note/outline form so as to be able to actually use it in class.

watching race-o-rama on vh1. it’s pretty funny. about to head outand get drinks. then gonna come home nad watch stepford wives for my essay. just wanted to get this set up for idea writing, to practice freewriting at least once a week… that’s all this is for. so I’m not writing this to be read, I’m writing this for me. I’d make it private, but I dont really give a shit to bother.