There’s McCain signs out with “pro-life” attached at the bottom. They mispelled “pro-birth” since that’s what many pro-lifers really are. You know, the ones that bitch about welfare, or don’t want people to have health insurance, don’t care about educating those babies and all that shit. HAVE THE DAMN BABY! YOU MUST! CHOOSE LIFE! and then fuck you when it comes to taking care of it and helping it to have a healthy, happy life. And fuck the lives of anyone not an unborn, often not even viable fetus. You all deserve exactly what you get, because your mother was “pro-life.” Fuck those unamerican bastards. Fuck the frenchies, or the middle east, or the mexicans (there’s only 4 people in the world: white, black, chinese, and mexican), or the terrorists.

Ah, to be “independent” in a place where the only non-retarded choices seem to be dems… barely I might add.

It’s not that I’m anti-Obama… I’m not and think he’d be fine. It’s that for once, I’d like to actually be making a choice of “who could best lead this country out of these fine specimens of humanity?” Not “shit, who’s gonna do the least damage in the next 4 years?” Or “well, at least there’s ONE ok candidate.”

And could someone please be “pro-life” against whatever brain sucker got at McCain? Because I’m pretty sure something happened in 06 or so, that made him just go all stupid and shit.

I fucking hate election materials. It’s the only mail I get. I like not getting mail (or at least, I like getting no mail if I can’t constantly have checks in the mail, made out to me, for pretty much anything more than $10, but don’t worry, if you only want to send me $5, I won’t reject it). I hate the damn signs. I mean, it’s mildly interesting from a design aspect, but only mildly, because there’s about as much creativity in election shit most of the time as there is unslanted, unbiased truth.

I figure it’s easier to bitch about politics than the more insidious and constant stupidity around me perpetuated by retards on fitness boards and idiotic 20-year-old girls at a christian college. Because I see a little Sarah reflected in all of them. Apparently completely lacking in any resemblance of thought. I cringe as I look around and see the future about me. And it’s a 22 year old girl who doesn’t want to bulk up and thinks obama is a nigro terrorist.

Where’s my pink dumbbell? I need to fling it at some people’s heads.

Also, the lack of updates isn’t lack of activity, just that things will be changing here and so I am waiting before adding much more content.

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music: none

muzik:
the way you like it - adema
power junkie - billy idol
the bad touch - bloodhound gang
crazy bitch - buckcherry
bitches - mindless self indulgence
like you want to believe - collide
powertrip - monster magnet
pour some sugar on me - cleaner (awsum cover, actually)
army of me - björk

music:
intoxication - disturbed
all my life - foo fighters
tainted love - manson
pride - u2
without me - eminem

I donated 2 gynormious bags of clothing to goodwill. All of it stuff I’ve been meaning to for a long time, but haven’t. Some shit I’ve had since high school (yes, going on 15 years now, I know) and there’s no way I’d wear them again. I had questionable taste in high school… didn’t everyone?

Anyway… I also got rid of my fat clothes. I kinda had thought we’d already gotten rid of them, but no. Size 16s and 18s galore, none cute or nice or in any way meant to make a girl feel good about herself. I donno if it was just that there wasn’t decent shit around or if it was that I was shopping in the wrong places. I tried hard to find shit that wasn’t either matronly or butch, but… well… It was all pretty much fug.

And still in my closet. Like I’d need it again one day.

When? How could I possibly let myself get back to that particular level of hell? Why?

Did I sabotage myself with the knowledge that if I fucked up the worst that was gonna happen was that I was gonna have to wear some fug polyester dress till I took the weight back off? Maybe. Probably.

Hell, it’s not even like some of this shit was packed up. I had on one long rack size 3 to size 16. The 18s were packed.

So everything that was too big, too ugly, or too slutty (regardless of size) was out. I shit you not when I say the bags were hyooge. Like… mondo construction drum liners… easily 70-100 pounds of clothing in each. And that wasn’t everything, that’s just the stuff I hauled out before heading to goodwill that wasn’t just trash.

There’s really no reason to keep anything bigger than I can wear. I mean, I shouldn’t be needing it. Right? RIGHT!?!

So there’s a problem there. I had in the back of my head that I might need it. Of course I wouldn’t. Except that by thinking I would, I went ahead and made sure I did.

Of course, it’s all to ugly to wear so I had to buy new shit anyway. And I had gotten very little on my rapid decent… I wore size 16 jeans until I got 10s until I got 5s.

But knowing that shit was there to catch me made it far safer to fall. If you know letting go means certain fucking death, you cling to that and don’t let yourself fall. If you know there’s something to catch you?

So they’re gone. And as I dig myself out of this whole mess I’ve gotten myself into the things I have now will go. It’ll be painful if I gain weight. It’s be painful to the bank account as well as everything else. It’ll require action besides reaching further back into the closet. And the action it’ll require will be jolt enough to realize something is fucking wrong again and needs fixing.

I didn’t think it could happen, but I knew it would somewhere in my mind and it did. Now I know it can, and did, and will again if I am not vigilant and determined. And I will be. Cuz there isn’t the safety net.

And really, what grown woman needs a frickin Star Trek Tshirt anyway?

music:
opticon - orgy
the beautiful people - manson
i stand alone - godsmack
iron head - zombie (and ozzy)
spookshow baby - zombie
figured you out - nickelback
all my life - foo fighters
situation - godsmack

shoot, forgot to add yesterday’s cardio.

music:
eurotrash - zeromancer
idiot music - zeromancer
house of cards - zeromancer
raising hell - zeromancer
how high - tricky
what kind of love are you on - aerosmith
figured you out - nickelback
switchback - celldweller
i stand alone - godsmack
love in an elevator - aerosmith
famous last words- zeromancer

music:
what you waiting for - gwen stefani
i think i’m paranoid - garbage
mysterious ways - u2
make me believe - godsmack
the hand that feeds - nin
without me - eminem

I went with cover songs today…
Music:
99 red balloons - goldfinger
spin me round - dope
i will always love you - jack off jill
land of confusion - disturbed
shout - disturbed
bizarre love triangle - stabbing westward
i melt with you - mest
tainted love - manson
blue monday - orgy

music:
u2
zeromancer
manson
collide
billy idol
eminem
godsmack
disturbed
duran duran
other shit…