Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-settings.php on line 483

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-settings.php on line 498

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-settings.php on line 505

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-settings.php on line 541

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::start_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::start_lvl(&$output) in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/classes.php on line 594

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::end_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::end_lvl(&$output) in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/classes.php on line 594

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el(&$output) in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/classes.php on line 594

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::end_el() should be compatible with Walker::end_el(&$output) in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/classes.php on line 594

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_PageDropdown::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el(&$output) in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/classes.php on line 611

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::start_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::start_lvl(&$output) in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/classes.php on line 705

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::end_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::end_lvl(&$output) in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/classes.php on line 705

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el(&$output) in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/classes.php on line 705

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::end_el() should be compatible with Walker::end_el(&$output) in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/classes.php on line 705

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_CategoryDropdown::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el(&$output) in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/classes.php on line 728

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class wpdb in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 306

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/cache.php on line 103

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class WP_Object_Cache in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/cache.php on line 425

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/query.php on line 21

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/theme.php on line 618

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class WP_Dependencies in /home/aoifefey/theaoife.org/bored/wp-includes/class.wp-dependencies.php on line 15
bored in the barrel » Blog Archive

I wanted to look awsym naked. Now I look bad in clothes.

In reality, I had a huge priority shift, and the gym stopped being fun. I don’t know why, but it did. It was a long time maintenance, and a slow creep up after that. Only recently has shit skyrocketed out of control. And now it’s under control, but the path down was much faster last time. I can’t handle that level of intensity at the moment, although I keep finding myself trying… like a friggin Alzheimer’s patient.

I’d prolly do best to count on doing very little and just eat low to compensate for that.

It feels like there’s so much to do, and so little time for it all. It’s not necessarily the case, I slack of a LOT, but that’s kinda in the vein of avoidance. Call it laziness or fear, it has the same consequence. School work is always last minute, training never gets done, code isn’t written, logs aren’t made, house isn’t clean, the grass becomes a pygmy village, and there’s never more than 2 ironed shirts at most.

I’ve severely cut back on hanging around here, huge time-sink that it is. The bright side is if I only stick to subscriptions (usually just people’s logs) then I can easily read on the touch, and checking the forums fits into smaller pockets in the day.

You know, all my real progress came before I started hanging out in fitness forums.

If I accomplish a lot, it sets a standard, and I feel guilty for slacking off. If I sit around and do nothing, nothing gets done, but at least I don’t feel …what? Inferior? Wasteful?

But I do.

School puts my life on hold, even though it was on hold before school, and in the end all it’s gonna get me is a BA after 7-8 fucking years. It feels pointless to do stuff now, but in reality there’s plenty to do now. If I do things right and stuff works out gud, I won’t actually NEED that silly degree. Does that mean I wasted years and a shitton of money on it?

It’s been a looooong time since I’ve worked up to “my potential,” as my grade school teachers called it. Thinking I’m prolly not good enough? Worried that I’m fabulous? I dive in to stuff and shit starts going well, and then I back off. No longer interested, want more free time, etc.

Really I want more time to relax without shit hanging over my head. The path to that is getting shit done. But I don’t, and avoid instead.

I can trace shit back and analyze myself all day, in the end I’m still a fat lazy bitch IF I don’t actually DO something about it.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.