Feel like I’m doing nothing

In some ways, I do. I am doing stuff… I just am not sure … it’s like I feel like I should be doing more. I should have everything done and be looking for more stuff to do. I should be painting 8 hours a day. I should have a job. I should be doing stuff.


I feel like I wasted May. I feel like June will be over soon. I feel like everything I paint is stupid and not worth my time. I feel like time spent on the computer is time wasted, even though half of the things I need to do to get life and house in order requires the computer.

I still feel guilty for relaxing.

Stan is trying to get at a moth outside the screen.

I feel like I should be working so that I can then spend money on things I want, like new floors and wall paint and crap like that. What kind of fucking resume do you make when you’ve never had a real job, haven’t worked in 10 years, and only have a piddly AA degree. *sigh* I feel inadequate to work in “my field” anyway. I can’t tell if it’s my special brand of perfectionism that tells me my work is at best simplistic and at worst utter crap… or if it’s really the case. And who am I gonna ask? People who patronize me or have no expertise to evaluate me?

Fucked in the head yet again….

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