Frustration setting in

Something’s wrong.

I’ve been thinking about this for a bit and it occurs to me that every time I start back up with a cut, I get nowhere weight-wise. If I had been logging my weight for the past 2 years you’d likely see long stretches of plateau and then every so often an uptick I can’t seem to come down from.

Sure, there’s plenty of times I’ve lacked the commitment to really be as intense and strict as I need to be… but there have been PLENTY of times that I have, and still the same issue.

Now I have to wonder if something is wrong or if I’m just kidding myself on my intensity and strictness.

And I am SOO sorely tempted to drop my calories for a month. That’s all I have… a month till my birthday. And I haven’t seen 150 on the scale at all… let alone below it.

I know, first hand even, how shitty 1000 calories or under would be. I know how bad it is for me. I know what I’ll end up feeling like.

But it feels like the only way to fucking get me to where I want to be. Eat next to nothing and workout like crazy… you know… a retarded after school special.

I won’t, of course…

But we’re planning on the “gentlemen’s club” for my birthday… (because I’m such a gentlemen, and I need to see me some nice titties)… and I’m gonna be all bummed looking at hot chicks that look better than I do. Fucking hate that.

I’m just frustrated… sick of being bigger than I want to be… sick of looking like shit… sick of not fitting into any of my clothes… sick of having to wait to get ink in most places because I don’t want it with a flabby body… and irritated as all hell that I let something good go because I thought it wasn’t good enough.

Fucking fuck fuck.

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