I guess it’s true

I guess I’m just an anti-social bitch.

I don’t know what it is, but most of the time people really irritate me. Even when they’re nice and friendly and stuff. They irritate me for their ignorance, for their inconsiderateness, for their laziness, for their incompetence…

I’m not always this way, it’s just that now and again I realize that for the most part, I really don’t like people. I don’t like people who don’t know things. I don’t like people that get in the way. I don’t like assholes, whether they’re people or just pretending to be people.

I really need to stay away from people, except the chosen few, ya know? I know, I know… Life is supposed to be about dealing with things… but bleah.

Even though I don’t go some places I used to go to on the internet, I haven’t really totally broken the habit of health and fitness forums in general. But, for the most part they’re all useless to me. I spend about 3-5 minutes looking around, either amazed by the ignorance, put off by the cheeriness, annoyed by the misinformation, or it has nothing to do with anything I’m interested in anyway. I tried, I don’t like them, they’re certainly not helpful, and I’m done.

Maybe it’s just that I’m not all that interested in the genre anymore. I know what works for me, I know what doesn’t. I know what I like, I have a trainer and a great gym, I don’t need a pat on the back or motivation… What else is there? I don’t need someone to spit out at me some research that they didn’t even do and only read about. If I’m interested, I’ll take a look myself. I have links to all the sites of people who do actually have real knowledge and expertise in the field, who do studies or work with the people who do, who write about that stuff, who have a clue. I don’t need it spoon-fed to me.

So, either end of the spectrum is dead to me. I don’t need to be on a site with a bunch of people who know very little and are feeling their way themselves, especially since they don’t really seem to want too much more than those 5 paragraph articles in “Shape” and the like. I don’t need to be on a site with a bunch of old-timers and “experts” since it’s mainly Q&A that has nothing to do with my Qs.

Funny… because when I started, I wasn’t all that interested in the science and the crap… I just went about losing weight. I’m kinda back there. The bullshit of how much one should work out, how one should work out, what workouts one should do… what, when, and how one should eat…. What good does the knowledge do if you don’t bother to practice it? And all that time “researching” could be better spent. When I stopped listening to myself and started listening to other people… I stopped seeing results. When I let someone else influence what I was doing, when I moderated my stance on this thing and decided to try that… everything went to shit.

Sure, hormone response from pills are somewhat to blame, but the vast majority of the blame for why I’m at the weight I am (which I don’t know, I haven’t weighed myself in months) is squarely on my own shoulders. What is even worse, is that I’ve lost strength as well. I had lost flexibility, but I’ve slowly been gaining that back, and I’m committed to at least once a week yoga class, and that should keep me where I need to be.

I don’t look like shit. That is part of my problem. The main problem, however, has been trying to do things a certain way, and then getting frustrated with that way because I don’t really like it.

My shoulders are shit. I can deal with that. I can build them up again.
My ass is not a jiggly as it should prolly be, and for that I’m glad.
My arms are getting re-defined, albeit slowly.

That’s part of it. The slowness of the progress. The body likes the fat. It don’t want to give it up.

I’ve been doing what needs to be done. I’ve been working out. I’ve been in the gym or doing something at home at least a few times a week. I’m still fighting the occasional bout of apathy that is the result of burnout. That’s understandable. But I’ve created far more burnout than I needed to, by trying to do something “right” when I wasn’t even doing much wrong in the first place.

It’s cold.
Why will my excess fat make my clothes not fit, but not keep me warm?
That’s totally fucked up.
Who do I sue?

Oh…. and did I mention that Bodypump sucks?
I does.
It sucks ass.

I hope I can do yoga tomorrow, because right now stairs are my worst enemy.

I think I’m gonna make me some noodles.
Or beans.
Or soup.
I can’t decide.
They all sound so…. warm.

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