Aoife… in a nutshell

Here, let me show you my natal chart. I’ll let you know what is true and what is not. For what it’s worth, you should not listen to Otto if he contradicts me. He doesn’t know anything other than how good I am in bed.

No, I’m not a huge believer in Astrology, but I do find the coincidences interesting, and I find it super amusing when things are so obviously… what people would want to hear about themselves.

Rising Sign is in 27 Degrees Libra
Very attractive and popular, your charm helps you to get your own way and prevents others from getting angry with you. “Peace and harmony at all costs” is your battle cry. You always try to ameliorate or to cosmetically hide any physical ugliness or any angry feelings between people. Flashy, but not gaudy, you prefer to dress elegantly. You generally have good taste in music, art and literature. Beware of the tendency to compromise yourself in your attempt to be agreeable at all times. A bit of a social butterfly, at times you can be vain and lazy. For the most part, however, you are gracious and affectionate, and your refined and aristocratic demeanor serves as a role model to others.

No, can’t say I’m a “Peace and harmony at all costs” kind of girl. Although I don’t relish conflict, I’ll usually just ignore it, not necessarily work to smooth all over. I do want people to not be hurt, so often my “mediation” tends to be for that reason, to help out so-and-so who got her feelings hurt. I also hate to see 2 people arguing different things… like they’re just not seeing the other’s points or they’re seeing the point wrong. So I’ll correct that. By and large tho, I don’t care if the world blows itself up, just leave me out of it.

Sure, I’m lazy. DUH! And of course I have good taste in music. THAT is a retarded thing to say in a chart. Who is gonna believe anything but that.

And, I’m pretty sure people would argue against that “attempt to be agreeable at all times” thing.

This would be the core meat of the sign, what you’d see in most little horoscope lists.

Sun is in 17 Degrees Aries.
By nature, you are very energetic and high-spirited. You are fiercely independent — you must be first in everything you do, and you enjoy taking risks. You are the one who will rush in where angels fear to tread. Quite brilliant at initiating new projects, you are terrible at following them through to completion. You are an enthusiastic leader but you tend to be a reluctant follower. Often you are quick to anger, but you usually recover just as fast, regretting later things you said when you were upset. One of your best traits is that you are simple and direct, blunt and honest — just be careful you do not hurt others’ feelings. Your need to be competitive at all costs may provoke resistance from others, but, as long as you maintain your usual Sunny good humor, this should not prove to be a major problem for you.

“Quite brilliant at initiating new projects, you are terrible at following them through to completion.”
“Often you are quick to anger, but you usually recover just as fast”
“One of your best traits is that you are simple and direct, blunt and honest”
No idea what they’re talking about here…. ;-)

Moon is in 08 Degrees Cancer.
For the most part, you are very strong and secure emotionally. You intuitively know what to do to make others feel comfortable, loved, accepted and needed. You naturally enjoy feeding and taking care of others. Be careful that your mothering does not turn into smothering. At times, you tend to feel that those to whom you are attached can never do anything without your assistance and support. Extremely sensitive by nature, it hurts you deeply whenever anyone criticizes you. You have an almost desperate need to be loved and wanted and needed by everyone with whom you come into contact, and you go out of your way to be accommodating to them.

Nah… that makes me sound waaay too touchie-feelie. I’m pretty sure that’s all bunk.

Mercury is in 23 Degrees Aries.
Very quick-witted, you are known for being an independent thinker. You love to debate and argue, and are excellent at repartee and battles of wits. At times, however, you act too fast on hastily formed opinions and thus waste a lot of energy defending your rash and sometimes incorrect conclusions. It is perfectly acceptable for you to defend your beliefs with your usual vigor, but try not to take the opinions of others as personal insults.

I NEVER take the opinions of others as personal insults. Why would I? People are stupid.

Venus is in 28 Degrees Pisces.
You have a dreamy, fanciful, romantic nature and a very creative imagination. Indeed, at times, your private fantasies are more appealing than the reality around you and it is difficult for you to leave them. You tend to be unselfish and giving in relationships and are extremely sensitive of the needs of others. Be very sure that those you help are worthy of your devotion and are not merely taking advantage of your innocence and naivete.

Of course fantasy is better than reality. If they weren’t, I’d be totally lacking in imagination. I’d also prolly be dead. I mean, who fantasizes about shit worse than reality? …and hasn’t killed themselves yet?

Mars is in 09 Degrees Cancer.
Your moods are very important to your overall well-being. You are confident and self-assertive when you are feeling upbeat, and you are retiring, irritable and grumpy when you get depressed about anything. Very sensitive, you wear your heart on your sleeve. You are easily angered whenever you think someone has slighted you. It is best for you to show your anger immediately and let it all out, rather than to try to hold it in or to hold grudges for a long time. You’re extremely loyal and defensive of your family, neighborhood, community and culture.

Nope. I hate my neighborhood. They’re a bunch of retarded maggots.

Jupiter is in 02 Degrees Taurus.
Growth only occurs for you after you have found a stable lifestyle and a dependable, protective and secure environment. You are at your best when those around you provide you with a great deal of affection and support. When you feel insecure or threatened, you tend to become possessive and grasping and self- indulgent. You are an inveterate collector with an expensive preference for all the good things that life has to offer.

I have no idea what they’re talking about here, but it can’t be me. Well… except for “an expensive preference for all the good things that life has to offer. ”

Saturn is in 26 Degrees Cancer.
The most important issue for you is emotional security. You have a deep and gnawing fear that those on whom you depend for emotional support will prove to be unreliable in the long run. When you are unloved and insecure, you distrust others and tend to feel isolated and lonely. Very cool, detached and objective, you can be counted on — in situations that are inherently stressful or full of tension — not to lose your self- control. That is a great and welcome gift at such times.

Nope. I know you all love me dearly. (Or hate me with such a passion that you morbidly read my blog out of sheer spite… in which case, have fun wasting all your energy on hating me… twit!)

I suppose I’m good in stressful situations… that’s just because I’m so lazy I have elevated procrastination to an art form.

Uranus is in 05 Degrees Scorpio.
You, and your peer group, demand to confront life at its deepest and most meaningful levels. Very compulsive and obsessive in your approach to everything, you will avoid anything that is casual or superficial, especially when it comes to relationships. You will seek out and explore new methods of healing as well as different ways to deal with deep-seated emotional problems.

Neptune is in 13 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the “global village.”

Pluto is in 10 Degrees Libra.
For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society’s attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments — they will not be entered into lightly.

This whole “generation” and “peer group” thing is total crap, shit, bunk, and a cop out. Has nothing to do with anything… and gee, you couldn’t look at what the couple million of other 30ish year olds are doing and pull that outta your ass? This is just funny. In a stupid way.
And… there’s no way I’ll be at the forefront of any “humanitarian events”… I’m not that nice. sheesh.

N. Node is in 12 Degrees Scorpio.
You have a special aptitude for working by yourself, or with a like-minded group of dedicated individuals. Once you’ve committed yourself to a person or group or project, your loyalty and devotion are total until the group’s goals have been realized. Not at all gregarious by nature, you’re uncomfortable around strangers, greatly preferring to be in known and familiar situations. Others may regard you as shy or eccentric, but those who know you well are aware of the intense loyalty that you have to your friends.

Sure, I’ll buy that. I’m not much for being around other people, esp if I’m expected to be all friendly and chatty and shit. I have a queer sense of humor and people usually need to know me before they get me. So, I stay away from people to refrain from having to repeat myself to the twits who have no idea what I’m talking about.
Besides, the best jokes are in-jokes, and you can’t have those with people you don’t know.


So there you have it. Aoife in a nutshell. Or not.
Really, this would be me in a nutshell.
One simple word.


But you knew that… didn’t you?

Oh… one thing the Chart didn’t mention:
I am NOT an Oaf… even though the spellchecker thinks I am.

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