Dear mister sherriff-man

Lic NC 50164 S

Maybe you should try driving on the correct side of the road, instead of swaying this way and that and into the oncoming lane. If you really have something so damned important to do that it takes your attention away from the road you are barreling down with a quarter-ton car, perhaps you should pull the fuck over for a second, and resume your journey when you are better able to drive. I know that your life is very stressful, and your work is very important, but I’m thinking that you might want to set a bit of an example for the other drivers on the road. I mean… I’d hate to see a cop pull you over thinking you’d been a bit deep in the bottle.

Perhaps, you could also try and maintain a constant speed while driving. That might be helpful. The fluctuations between 10 mph under and 10 mph over the speed limit, while somewhat amusing, were a bit worrisome. Mayhap you should go requesting a car with a nifty cruise control button? Just a suggestion.

Oh, and for what it’s worth… the little controller wand to turn on your blinkie lights so people know when you are gonna turn… that is near the steering wheel, on the left side. It’s the same thing that controls your headlights. I know you couldn’t find it, because you didn’t use your cute little blinkies when you turned… so I thought I’d mention it.

I’ll bet your momma told ya you were special… didn’t she?

And use your fucking ashtray! There’s a fine for littering.


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