I’m not posting here anymore.
(I know, duh!)
I mean, I’m not intending on posting here anymore.
This will eventually (when we get around to it) be archived and pulled down (unless it’s made a static, flattened bunch of stuff).
There may eventually be another personal blog, but for now no.
Goodbye.
(previous post that never got published due to wordpress being a slut)
I ended up making (starting) a profile/portfolio at Krop.com. (look here) I think it’s pretty neat so far, although at the moment I’ve only started so as of this posting there’s not much there yet.
There’s a free version which lets you have a few images in one set, in addition to your resume and whatnot. There’s a pay service that lets you have more images/sets, but for now to try out and since I don’t have much there to begin with, the free is enough for me.
Check it out. If it’s not something you think will help you now, it might later on. 
(nope, I ain’t gettin no kickbacks, this is fyi+self-promo only.)
It’s kinda fun, but it seems like tomorrow is always a day away. myBrute
Come on, you know you wanna, just a little bit. 
In other news, I’ve been working on more projects, obviously. While I’m doing stuff to hand in, I’m also tweaking the stuff that goes into my portfolio and and some personal side projects. First looks usually go up on the tumble log. More in depth looks for some stuff can be seen on Artsy Fartsy.
I’m gonna seriously spend the summer getting a whole assload of shit done when it comes to workout logs, redesigning/refining werkit, getting up a few shops, getting in some good photography time, and seriously adding to my portfolio. I’m at least going to be able to offer sets of postcards and block printed greeting cards for sale. I’m gonna be able to offer logs for sale, including potentially whole log book companions for various routines out there. I need to move on, even if I’m kept in school longer than I was planning. If all I end up having to do this summer is physical therapy, then at least I’ll have time.
waay too ocd, and little things turn into a big time sink. especially when adding in a “just one more” problem. *sigh*
I’m finding all sorts of reasons to not be working on my princess project. Prolly cuz I’m worried about fking it up. even though I can’t really. But if I got on it, and even if I did mess up, it’s easy to redo, given enough time. Mostly, it’s just that I’d prefer to goof off with just one more thing to read/look at/do here and there. Even my goof-off time isn’t well spent lately. There’s been no gaming, no porn, nuthin. Hell, I’m not even actually getting around to watching the last Bikini Bandits dvd we’ve had around for forever. Just silly internet crap. That or a lot of lying around trying make my leg unswell or being too tired and needing naps.
Seriously, I’m sick of the fatigue. We go out and into one store for a short time and I’m utterly drained. It’s all just so… OZAY! grr.
Did a few more postcard designs, so I guess that’s some kind of progress, although not in something that needs to get done.
I’m bored. I can’t go anywhere. I can’t drive. I can’t walk far. House chores are taxing as hell. Can’t mow the lawn, move furniture, or do anything taxing. I have 3 weeks left of school and am just so over this shit. I’m frustrated and hanging in limbo. All my fucking plans for school and graduating and interning and being done with this shit are on hold and therefore likely extended another damn semester.
I need to go to the gym. It might help. Maybe. Supposed to go 4 or so times a week, hasn’t happened yet. Have worked out a few times at home, but the cage isn’t terribly helpful in this case. Not like I can just start deading and crap, which is what I want to do.
ugh.
I need to get out. Like now. Walk around in the nice evening or something. now.
I’ve just not had much to say lately. I was actually moving along nicely before the accident, and now I’m playing catch up in all my work to not be a total slacker and get things done in time. Most of my school/work stuff is in my other blog, most of my ramblings have been on JP (and there hasn’t been much of that lately) and otherwise I’m just busy getting some shit done. Nothing feels like I’m getting anything done, as life is one big perpetual motion machine, or it’s all about entropy, or some stupid crap like that.
I have a new tumble log (me @ tumblr).
I have a new krop portfolio (me @ krop).
I have been adding stuff to flickr again.
and I have a big hematoma on my knee that a surgeon will be looking at tuesday. and I’m fucking sick of being gimpy. but complaining don’t do no good, so I’m just trying to get shit done and not be upset about the cankle.
We’re working on redoing Werkit. It should help a lot and look much better.
We might even be trying to offer logs to purchase (printed books, etc).
I set up an Etsy account but I’m not doing much about it right now. But might sell some cards or postcards.
I’m looking into an alternative to cafepress because I just don’t like a lot of their stuff.
I’m working on a positive and uplifting piece for Peace’s Wellness Center. It makes me smile.
I’m also working on posters about domestic violence and its effect on children, and that troubles me. Since 2 of us in my class are working on domestic violence, our instructor shared a disturbing story with us (family of a friend of a friend) that is just blow-your-fucking-mind insane and how-the-fuck-can-people-DO-this-shit-to-other-people sad. Nail guns weren’t meant to be used on 4-month pregnant women. *sigh*
I don’t know what we’re doing about insurance or a car or if I should get a lawyer for the amount of time and money this accident has cost me…
But in general I’m alive and well so that’s something… right?
Oh, and sorry about the comments. I didn’t know there were any awaiting moderation (besides the cyrillic/engrish spam, of course).
Ever notice how desire to do something rarely translates into actually doing it? Or are you completely unlike me and actually a productive person?
Today I’m moving forward trying out a few new things. Spend less time goofing off on those crazy intertubez and more time doing something a bit more productive. I’m not so much hoping for something magical to happen, I kinda still like my lazy self, but talk is cheap and makes people (read: me) fat. Analyze this and think about that and read this other thing and blah blah blah…
Fuck it.
I don’t do shit for other people. I do them for me. And trying to be impressive to other people doesn’t get me anywhere because I really don’t want to impress people. I don’t care what you think I look like. I know that, because if I did, then the thought of getting all slim and sexay and buff to show off would actually translate into my ass in the gym… and it doesn’t. It hasn’t for years.
Frankly, the intertubez has ruined my waistline. Forums have robbed me of the will to DO shit, by allowing me to talk about shit. Talking about shit is much easier than doing it, see, and so the more I talk, the less I do.
It doesn’t matter where I go on the intertubez, I still get the same result of ass not in gym. So, I leave the intertubez behind, somewhat, and concentrate more on just doing and not talking. No more posted workouts here, because that’s just a pain in the fucking ass anyway. I don’t care if anyone sees what I did (or didn’t, most usually) do, and I doubt anyone who reads (wait, that’s not anyone anyway) cares what I did or didn’t do. So fuck it.
Really, why bother anyway? Noone comes here except to read a post about FFXII anyway. Might as well just talk about porn and music and shit. At least then it’ll be something interesting to me. Now let’s go find some hentai!
Speaking of pr0n, I might be in lurve of Stoya…
PS. Damn the fucking cat dropped a HUGE one. pew!
There are some posts from my log over at JPFitness that I had thought were here but aren’t. I’m now copying them over and backdating them. I am doing many, but a few for my own records mostly.
That would be where I’m posting my mental shit lately, if at all. My current log is here: Aoife in Wonderland: Log at JPFitness.com. I’m incapable of posting training and shit in 20 million places, and until I get other items up and running that might make that more possible, I post where I get to converse and have a level of community. Noone ever comes here unless they’re searching the internets for a few specific things, and only about 5 posts of mine are regularly viewed.
But this is still all mine and can’t just magically disappear, and hence why I’m pulling over a few posts.
It is break time, and I’m cleaning house, rearranging house, and getting work done on Werkit.com and GetSyncin.com. I am putting together my physical portfolio and resume, and will be getting theAoife.com back in order soon as well.
And now it’s time to make some dinner.
It’s just everywhere I look. Some people in my classes, some people’s facebook shit, those fucking McCain/Palin stickers/signs… For crying out loud, why the hell am I getting so fucking much election mail? Surely those trees would have preferred life.
There’s McCain signs out with “pro-life” attached at the bottom. They mispelled “pro-birth” since that’s what many pro-lifers really are. You know, the ones that bitch about welfare, or don’t want people to have health insurance, don’t care about educating those babies and all that shit. HAVE THE DAMN BABY! YOU MUST! CHOOSE LIFE! and then fuck you when it comes to taking care of it and helping it to have a healthy, happy life. And fuck the lives of anyone not an unborn, often not even viable fetus. You all deserve exactly what you get, because your mother was “pro-life.” Fuck those unamerican bastards. Fuck the frenchies, or the middle east, or the mexicans (there’s only 4 people in the world: white, black, chinese, and mexican), or the terrorists.
Ah, to be “independent” in a place where the only non-retarded choices seem to be dems… barely I might add.
It’s not that I’m anti-Obama… I’m not and think he’d be fine. It’s that for once, I’d like to actually be making a choice of “who could best lead this country out of these fine specimens of humanity?” Not “shit, who’s gonna do the least damage in the next 4 years?” Or “well, at least there’s ONE ok candidate.”
And could someone please be “pro-life” against whatever brain sucker got at McCain? Because I’m pretty sure something happened in 06 or so, that made him just go all stupid and shit.
I fucking hate election materials. It’s the only mail I get. I like not getting mail (or at least, I like getting no mail if I can’t constantly have checks in the mail, made out to me, for pretty much anything more than $10, but don’t worry, if you only want to send me $5, I won’t reject it). I hate the damn signs. I mean, it’s mildly interesting from a design aspect, but only mildly, because there’s about as much creativity in election shit most of the time as there is unslanted, unbiased truth.
I figure it’s easier to bitch about politics than the more insidious and constant stupidity around me perpetuated by retards on fitness boards and idiotic 20-year-old girls at a christian college. Because I see a little Sarah reflected in all of them. Apparently completely lacking in any resemblance of thought. I cringe as I look around and see the future about me. And it’s a 22 year old girl who doesn’t want to bulk up and thinks obama is a nigro terrorist.
Where’s my pink dumbbell? I need to fling it at some people’s heads.
Have a few new things up in my cafe press store, as I’m slowly paying attention to my own projects outside of school. Starting work on my sketchbook as well, so I can eventually get that online. This weekend promises to be fun.
I wanted to look awsym naked. Now I look bad in clothes.
In reality, I had a huge priority shift, and the gym stopped being fun. I don’t know why, but it did. It was a long time maintenance, and a slow creep up after that. Only recently has shit skyrocketed out of control. And now it’s under control, but the path down was much faster last time. I can’t handle that level of intensity at the moment, although I keep finding myself trying… like a friggin Alzheimer’s patient.
I’d prolly do best to count on doing very little and just eat low to compensate for that.
It feels like there’s so much to do, and so little time for it all. It’s not necessarily the case, I slack of a LOT, but that’s kinda in the vein of avoidance. Call it laziness or fear, it has the same consequence. School work is always last minute, training never gets done, code isn’t written, logs aren’t made, house isn’t clean, the grass becomes a pygmy village, and there’s never more than 2 ironed shirts at most.
I’ve severely cut back on hanging around here, huge time-sink that it is. The bright side is if I only stick to subscriptions (usually just people’s logs) then I can easily read on the touch, and checking the forums fits into smaller pockets in the day.
You know, all my real progress came before I started hanging out in fitness forums.
If I accomplish a lot, it sets a standard, and I feel guilty for slacking off. If I sit around and do nothing, nothing gets done, but at least I don’t feel …what? Inferior? Wasteful?
But I do.
School puts my life on hold, even though it was on hold before school, and in the end all it’s gonna get me is a BA after 7-8 fucking years. It feels pointless to do stuff now, but in reality there’s plenty to do now. If I do things right and stuff works out gud, I won’t actually NEED that silly degree. Does that mean I wasted years and a shitton of money on it?
It’s been a looooong time since I’ve worked up to “my potential,” as my grade school teachers called it. Thinking I’m prolly not good enough? Worried that I’m fabulous? I dive in to stuff and shit starts going well, and then I back off. No longer interested, want more free time, etc.
Really I want more time to relax without shit hanging over my head. The path to that is getting shit done. But I don’t, and avoid instead.
I can trace shit back and analyze myself all day, in the end I’m still a fat lazy bitch IF I don’t actually DO something about it.
This is just a test to see if the worspress app for the iPhone/touch works right.
Also, the lack of updates isn’t lack of activity, just that things will be changing here and so I am waiting before adding much more content.
.
This is something Otto and I rant about all the time, and it really applies anywhere in life. Some things are too important to be treated as urgent.
My mom texted me in the middle of the day one day to tell me my cousin’s cancer was back. Really. That’s it. Nothing else. I was in class and she was at work, and neither of us could talk or anything, but she needed to send something that badly? It couldn’t wait for some kind of longer explanation/conversation? How is that news so urgent? What am I gonna do about it?
Otto frequently runs into people at work who think something is really really really important and must get done now. Fuck accuracy, quality, or even if it can be done, it HAS to be. NOW. Really? (Oh and don’t forget chat!)
If it’s so fucking important, people, it’s too important to rush. It’s too important to carelessly toss caution and procedure and quality aside to just get it done. It is NOT URGENT.
Let’s talk about true urgency. Something really important where fast action is required. Some poor schmuck has a heart attack. We all know that speed is of the essence. You quickly get the aspirin, call 911, etc. But even this, especially this, is too important to be treated as urgent. When the paramedics get there, they don’t just grab the defib and go to town on the guy. They assess the situation, check pulse and breathing, try some cpr… the drastic action waits until necessary, and before that it’s just smart action done without hesitation and procrastination. Done quickly, but not carelessly. Speed is important, but not the MOST important. Speed shouldn’t impact quality.
Yes, I’ll admit that the incredibly amusing but otherwise lacking in true grandeur flounce of our (h)alarious friend looking for metabolic rate information was on my example list here. The need for speed, the urgency in which the data must be collected to help people NOW is highly amusing. We all know better.
How many things in life do we treat as urgent, get it done at all costs and super quick because we need it done NOW. ? How much do we sacrifice quality? If these things are so important, why are we doing the shittiest job possible for the sake of urgency? What does that really get us?
It doesn’t mean go slow and take your sweet-assed time. Efficiency is important. Care is important. Quickness is important. But not sheer speed.
Remember that the next time you forgo proper process and thought and procedure and crap on people who are good and efficient and tell them to fuck it cuz it has to be faster. Even if those people are you. Do it right.
Because some things are too important to be treated as urgent.
and yes, that does count for fat loss too
Truth: If you’re bored, it’s because you’re boring.
If you can’t entertain yourself, you don’t deserve to have other people entertain you. If you can’t find something in your current situation to be enthusiastic about, you deserve to be miserably bored. Sheesh. Life is what you make of it, whether you’re 13 or 31. 17 or 71. Stop expecting other people to pop in and entertain your sorry ass. Just entertain yourself. If those around you aren’t at least a bit entertained, and you’re not hurting anyone, then fooey on them. They deserve their boredom.
I’m sick and tired of people who don’t realize that they ALWAYS have a choice. About EVERY DAMN THING in their lives. EVERYTHING. As children, we have a choice. As adults, we have a choice. As old farts, we have a choice. Some of our past choices may limit our current ones. Sometimes other people have a lot of control to limit our choices. But we ALWAYS have some kind of choice. Don’t believe me? Try to feed a 2 year old that won’t eat. There’s always a choice. You may not like your options, but you have them.
What would happen if everyone in the world just actually took charge of their lives? Owned up to their decisions, or their indecision, or lack of decisions. What would it be like if we all accepted the responsibility of living our own damn lives? Where would this world be if we all just realized that we had a choice?
And people wonder why monks self-immolate. They understand. They have a choice.
I want to do everything at once. I want to be done with everything. I want to know more, be able to do more, and be totally productive with no downtime throughout my day/week/month. I’m also a lazy shit.
I think I’m going this next semester part time… something like 7-9 hours. I was gonna load up on a non-major necessary course and a course to potentially do a spanish minor. But that would give me over 12 hours, and no time for anything else, since I’d be doing plays (in or on, still takes work).
I’m learning to not try to juggle so much at once. If too many things are a priority, nothing is a priority. Then my priorities get picked for me. Classes/homework becomes a priority because of a deadline, not because I want to do it, but because I want a gud grade. Too many of those, and there’s nothing left of my day.
I’m armed with a new outlook and understanding about activity and diet. Too often people get stuck in the trap of working out hard and intense and aggressively and all that BS, and it lands them in a coma the rest of the time. Too often people think stupid things like a walk or some “fitness” video game or whatever are stupid and “not a real workout.” At best they’ll acknowledge that they’re better than nothing, but they don’t understand that they’re actually GOOD. This shit is something to do to keep you active throughout the day. It’s not for “exercise,” it’s for activity so you’re not on your ass. But these people are on their ass, because they busted themselves up during their workout, and now are too tired to do anything else. But they make themselves feel better because at least for that one 30-60 minute session 3x a week they worked hard. Getting an idea of how much that shit irritates me?
Anyway, the past 2 semesters things got bad for me, weight-wise and workout-wise. Always before I still occasionally did *something* here and there, but last year was mostly a big pile of nothing. I spent whole days at school till 10-1030, and sat on my ass through all of it. I didn’t have the time or energy to “workout” at school. Of course, I had the time for a nice walk somewhere, and it is a lovely area, but that isn’t helpful, right? Cuz, you know, it’s not a “real” workout. And walking doesn’t burn any calories for anyone who isn’t really obese.
In reality, it just didn’t seem like that activity would help “burn” the fat off. I don’t know if it would have, but it would have kept more fat from coming on. It wouldn’t have been taxing or tiring or even sweat inducing on many days (nice breezes at Peace) but that would have been a good thing. It would have been nice and mind clearing and energizing and given me picture fodder and inspiration and grounding during times when I really could have used it.
It’s hard being in your 30s going to school. Not grad school. Not continuing education at cc. School with a bunch of 18 year old girls who have no idea what life is actually like yet, tied up in their sorority dramas and boyfriend troubles and stupid shit that the rest of us know SO does not fucking matter. But it does matter to them. It’s important to them. But, it’s very wearing on those of us who know that in the grand scheme of life, it doesn’t frickin matter. They have a few years to learn that.
So I’m finding ways to limit the impact of school now. Because it’s not doing much for me in the rest of my life, except making it take forever before I get a degree. A couple studio classes and theatre will be enough stress, and still let me go ahead and get real work and learning done in things I won’t learn in school anyway. Noone has to learn html and css to get a graphic design degree at Peace. You use computers, but most design is for print. There’s a course on designing for the screen, but from what I can tell that’s dreamweaver. And I already know how useless a designer can be if she doesn’t actually know how to do shit without all the nifty cheat tools that are available now.
But I’m learning to just settle down with a couple projects and do those before moving on. At least somewhat. I can’t work on 25 things at once, and it’s silly to try. It’s not that I’ve been trying, so much as I’ve been wanting to and feeling like I’m not doing enough because I only concentrated on 2 projects in a day.
And seriously, I don’t treat fat loss as a project. I should. It’s a project that requires plenty of time and attention and planning. It requires shopping and cooking and time for workouts (and the associated shower) and I don’t plan for it. I don’t treat it as something that requires a plan in the way I should. I did, I do sometimes, but not … not in the way I should.
There’s always other things that pop up with their own checklists. And those things are more satisfying to do because they can be “done” and because I can measure progress with them. I can with fat loss, but I’m not looking at it that way, so I’m not. I don’t always feel accomplished if I’ve worked out or gone for a walk, and it’s just as important as cleaning the garage or installing a ceiling fan (omg that is good to have off the list).
Fail to plan…
After 1 week of OPT
Didn’t do any recovery. Really, just completely forgot to before I talked about it on some thread somewhere, but overall I do stretch/foam/mobility/etc throughout the day, and concentrate more when I need it. So, not a huge loss; I’ll try to be better about it.
last monday to today, got in 4 of 4 lifts, 2 of 3 cardio. It’s the time. I’ll work it in better this week.
Lost 3.2 pounds.
went over cals 4 days, but average was actually 1200 which is ok. it was an over/under of usually 25 cals.
Tired some, and a little more lax than normal, due to the being a girl thing, but overall not bad.
I find it somehow harder to stay at 1200 when I’m supposed to be at 1200 than staying at 1200 when having a real target of 1400. Is odd, likely just that brat that doesn’t like not being allowed to have more, but wanting it anyway, versus not caring with the higher allotment. Oh well, I can grin and bear it for a few weeks.
Overall, I’m down 10 pounds from my initial start of seriously bearing down and tracking calories at the beginning of last month. I’m almost back to 150s, and soon after the size 8s should start slowly fitting again, depending on cut/brand. I’m slowly fitting into some of the 10s, but again, everything is variable. I’ve shed the weight I gained last semester and have 5 weeks till school again, I think. If I basically was down 10 pounds in 4-5 weeks this past, with less of a deficit, I should be able to be nearly at 150 by school start. Then I’ll prolly need a smaller deficit, but we’ll see when I get there.
I don’t really plan on taking too much of a break for week 4 of OPT, but I’ll keep in the spirit, stop lifting, do regen, activity, light cardio, recovery, wii, walk, etc. So, basically not sit on my ass, and do what I can with the further reduction in calories for that week.
We got icecream yesterday at the “local” farm (Maple View) and it was yummy. I have a lift scheduled for today. Cardio was yesterday, that’ll get posted shortly.
I feel much better. Hungry, but better.
If I had to pick one really good thing about FLTS for me, it would be that it tells me what is low enough and what is too low, and how it’s all based on the intensity of what you do. And even though I was coming around in my own thinking on some of these things and more, having someone else tell you is good reinforcement that it will work if I let it. Sometimes, it’s really ok to go for that sunday drive and be 10 miles an hour under the speed limit. (just not literally when you’re in front of me and I want to be somewhere and you won’t be nice and pull the hell over and let me pass but that’s a different rant.)
I feel, above all, grounded and centered enough to see clearly and trust myself. I don’t think I did before. I would tell other people things would work, but I wouldn’t believe it for myself. Not that I thought I was special, just that I was unlucky.
I know how most of the women are around here. We strive, we like to work, we like to accomplish. We want to feel good about a job well done and all our hard work. If we’re carrying extra fat but work hard, we still feel ok, because we’re not sitting on our asses and we’re WORKING.
And like every thing else in the damn world, smart work trumps hard work when it comes to results. It’s just that we don’t like to believe it. It’s the poor man’s solace, right? Better than the rich because of the actual hard work done. Makes ya a better person, right?
It’s not about hard work. It’s about smart work, and the discipline to stay straight and do it. That goes for anything. Working hard for the sake of working hard is why so many people burn out. They are inefficient workaholics who can’t just step back, breathe, assess, and dive in smartly, stopping when they’re just spinning their wheels in futility. They aren’t aware enough of their own limitations and the importance of working within them to achieve their goals.
Limitations are only bad if you ignore them and pretend they don’t exist, or if you use them as an excuse to do nothing. Otherwise, they’re a boon that help you set guidelines to better achieve your goals with less stress, injury, and time and money spent.
blah blah blah…
(originally posted @JP)
Well yesterday was a bust. At least I didn’t eat over, even though I was good and ready to. But by the time I got home to eat dinner (after previously eating at about 1) it was 10. I have a rule to not eat after 10, it pisses me off on the scale the next morning. So I did eat, but just enough to not pass out.
Pretty much all day yesterday was crap physically. I cycle every 3 months (instead of every month) and usually don’t have problems with cramps or anything, but yesterday I lacked any real energy, got more crampy throughout the day, had a constant headache, and went to bed drugged and miserable. Feeling better now, but that would be why the cardio that should have happened, didn’t.
Cats are doing well today. Stan was feeling better yesterday, but Flipper was sore and very lethargic and it really reminded me of how bad Mousie was the day we took her to the vet, but… I knew not to worry and it would happen, but it was hard. He’s much better today, been up and down the stairs even, and playing with new toys. Hell, this morning our bed was piled with and surrounded with kitteh offerings.
So today on tap is a cardio and a lift. Prolly will head to the gym with Otto for the lift, so I’ll do cardio at home during the day. I’ll need that separation.
164 today. So I’m almost back down to what I was at the start of the semester. I would really like to be down to 150 by the start of the semester, but at least I know I can manage to be IN the 150s. *sigh* I’m SUCH an idiot.
I know what a lot of my problem is, it’s that I’m a brat. I don’t want to have to spend the rest of my life with no candy. And my main real issue that causes me to gain isn’t even the food, it’s the inactivity. The real problem is that without the activity, my maintenance is so low that anything will start to throw it off.
But, with new focus on the workout being secondary to the activity, and knowing that’s really the important part, I can make it through the rest of school pretty ok. I can’t actually let myself do any kind of food-restrictive diet, because I already have one, it’s called being a vegetarian.
When I started HELL, it was fine when I didn’t have school, but the restriction of no grains meant no sandwiches. So there went a main source of easy food for me, and it got replaced with snickers, because it was actually allowed. The sammich and the snickers have the same cals. But then when the snickers becomes reeces cups, still the same cals, there’s nothing filling to that, just a sugar crash and huge bloodsugar dip.
There isn’t a good way for me to win with no grain, no beans diet, except at home, not with 8 hours of classes with only 5 minute breaks to move from one room to another.
But really, I’m just a brat. I’m literally the 5 year old that wants a cookie because she saw it. And if you tell her no, she just starts throwing a tantrum because she WANTS THE COOKIE. I know that 5 minutes later I won’t care. I know this. But I waaaaant it. It tastes good. I don’t like to be told no.
I can DO it. I can do it just fine, have done it many times, but it’s just that I want, and sugar calls to it’s own, so I want another one (or I can’t make up my mind and want both kinds). It pisses me off because it feels like if I had a real emotional attachment to food/eating it would be understandable and there would be some way to fix it, but no, I’m just a brat.
And again, I was just fine in maintenance so long as I had the activity. It kept me burning so I could have the occasional cookie/candy/cake, and it kept me from going overboard because of the general state of mind it induced. I only want one, because more than that and I’d have crash issues, and then I couldn’t work out or do stuff. But when I’m not doing stuff anyway…
I want to be done losing so that I can see just how strong I can get. Since I’m usually only lifting during a deficit, I don’t really gain anything. If I’d been lifting consistently these past 4 years and maintaining my weight and eating maintenance, I’d prolly be seriously frickin scary in my numbers. I kinda wanted that before, but I kinda didn’t… at least not enough to see that as a goal. But I do. I want to be under 130 and putting all but the strongest of guys on here to shame. I’m that much of a bitch. I want to know that I could break you. In 4 inch heels. But not a miniskirt, I’m over 30 and that’s just trashy.
(reposted from JPFitness.com)
Zucchini, red and orange bell peppers, carrots, red onion, scallions, garlic, peanut oil.
Table spoon of peanut oil into the wok.
When warm, add chopped garlic, couple cloves.
Then diced onion and scallion.
Then, the peppers, zucchini, and carrots.
Toss on some rosemary, little salt, and some fresh grated white pepper.
Stir fry till done. Pile some in a whole wheat wrap. Eat. Yum.
(reposted from JPFitness.com, from 6/23/08)
A pria bar is 110 calories. A snack size cup of cottage cheese is 110 calories. One satisfies hunger much better than the other one. However, the pria bar does get points for being chocolaty.
But, remember that a single ghiradelli square is only 70-80 calories, and way better quality of chocolate. So you only need one. Esp if you get the dark w/ caramel.
Resting if you need to (and are too tired/overwhelmed to work out) is better than driving yourself into the wall at full speed. That day could be better spent upping NEAT, since if you go ahead and bang your head against that wall, you’re usually just gonna lose those calories burned on lowered activity throughout the day, netting you nothing but exhaustion.
A good approach for balance can be as simple as a single question. Did I work out yesterday? If no, then you can likely do something today. If yes, then you’ll likely be ok if today is only activity and recovery.
Having a clean house can do wonders for stress and anxiety levels. Chaos in view is chaos in mind. There’s a reason Zen is so clean.
Having a way to chart progress, of any kind, is a good thing for those who always feel like they’ve done nothing or should be doing more.
I log what I eat. I make a list of todos and can see what I’ve crossed off. I have a log of my NEAT. I chart my weight. I still may feel at the end of the day like I’ve done nothing, but if I look at the paperwork, I can see otherwise.
If the task can be done in under 2 minutes, and there’s nothing keeping you from doing it now, do it now. Then, it’s one less thing on a list, one less thing looping in your brain, one more thing done for the day. Little things are easy to take care of. Why the heck should it be allowed to conglomerate with other little things to become a mountain to tackle?
If you have any time to read a book to help improve your life, and haven’t read it yet, read Getting Things Done. You may not find everything the way he does it useful, but some of it is, the reasoning is sound and can help you find your own path, and there’s so much less on your mind when you have a system.
Remember that a TO DO list is things to DO. Not vague ideas, not projects, not categories. Very simple things to do. This means complete sentences. DO NOT forget the verb. That’s what’s telling you what TO DO.
Don’t wash dishes in hot water. Sucks for your hands, runs up your bills, and warm works just fine. That’s why people invented soap.
Brush your teeth.
Always seek the path that requires the most movement. Consider it more NEAT. It may not be as efficient, but efficiency is for the mind tasks. The physical ones should require you being physical.
Work to become more self-aware. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Really understand what’s going on with you. You can’t truly move on till you find out where the hell you are now.
Understand how you really work best. Don’t think you’re really able to multi-task intensive tasks, you can’t. Multi-tasking is for tasks that don’t require focus. Most of your real work requires focus. Many things will steal that focus, and like meditation, it takes a bit before you’re at that focus point. That’s fine, it’s how it works. Learn to use that.
Make every calorie count (esp if you’re eating at a deficit). Make it fulfill some need. It’s filling, it’s packed with micronutrients, it’s killing the craving, something. Everything eaten should be for a purpose. If your purpose is because you’re bored, can’t find something better, too lazy for real food, it was there… you’re cheating yourself.
Don’t live your life like you have to always be on one pedal or the other. Accelerate or break. It’s a waste. Find the constant. Occasionally coast. Less wear and tear that way.
Don’t forget to smile. Often. For no reason other than to give yourself a pick-me-up. Remember that smiles, like many other things, are infectious. And, when you smile, it makes other people wonder what you’re up to. Add a little wink when they look confused. Guaranteed to bring about a little chuckle inside.
Pet an animal. It makes you feel good.
Go do something today that you can be proud of.
music: none
Skipped putting things in here a bit, logs are at jps though, as usual.
muzik:
the way you like it - adema
power junkie - billy idol
the bad touch - bloodhound gang
crazy bitch - buckcherry
bitches - mindless self indulgence
like you want to believe - collide
powertrip - monster magnet
pour some sugar on me - cleaner (awsum cover, actually)
army of me - björk
music:
intoxication - disturbed
all my life - foo fighters
tainted love - manson
pride - u2
without me - eminem
